When She is gone, when you feel empty and useless ...
You wander like the wind and pass by people, as if you are alone on the streets and they go through you, cutting all of your connections. And when somebody decides to give you a hand, to pick you up from the dark hole which you comfortably inhabit ....When he tries to hold your hand, he feels the coldness in your body and the sadness in your eyes. The negativism radiating from your consciousness repulses everything around you. Even you yourself don't want to look, because there is no face, to reflect in the mirror. You reject any help, because no one else can give you that what you miss. Through your gaze everything seems to be black and white, because there is nobody giving you the colors, there is nobody worth breathing in and out. Your heart counts out the last moments of existence, but it will never stop, because it alone remembers, and keeps the last grain of hope left as the most important part of you .... you are that grain of sand.
You can't sleep, every second is like a millennium for you ... Every ray of light is not a ray of hope, it is a memory ... Every time when the bright lights touch you, you forget everything... You see what you need even though you know all that is kept in your spiritual self, and it makes your invisible face to smile.
The water that you drink can't quench your thirst. The food is tasteless and can't satisfy your hunger. You do not see the sense of these actions. Not now, now the heart is wounded, it lost the strength to beat fast like never before ... there is no motive, you need the missing part.
The nights full before, are empty and bottomless now, and you are desperately trying to fill them with tears. The moon tries to calm you down, though she can't fill the empty space next to you, she doesn't have the warmth that you miss. You drift along the empty apartment looking for parts of the essence, parts of the life-giving energy which threw light on it, and made you desire never leaving it. You know this place is full of reviving memories, but you can't remember them, you want her there telling you the memories. You pray to hear her again, to caress her and without an answer to feel the desire for more. You need her and she needs you..... You keep on searching for her... knowing where is she , but you can't find the place. The only thing you remember is how you got separated and the last words you told her, you repeat them constantly with the hope that she also remembers them.
Storm and darkness fall upon you .... The wind carries you away.... Rain pours over you... They crumple everything in you like you are a part of the, part of all that... You feel safety and joy from every little thing, because it makes you forget... But how can you forget?! How to forget, when there is nothing to remember?! The storm is part of you. Now it is darkness of negativism, loneliness and insensibility.... When She is around you, the storm is light radiating love. Wind of emotions and rain of smiles...
Only Together you can achieve happiness, it will never be whole if you are alone. Therefore when you find her, when you feel her, do what you can, to make her a part of you and make yourself a part of Her...
released September 3, 2010
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